I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
