separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
