I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
