Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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