What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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