Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
