I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
