Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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