how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
