Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
