dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
