I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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