new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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