i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
