i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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