i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
