Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
