Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize