so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
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You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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