omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
