I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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