Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sarcasm needs its own font
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
