I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
