I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
