a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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