I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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