I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
