do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
