i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
