i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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