Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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