Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
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Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk