get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
