Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
