I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
