I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
