I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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