Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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