This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
