3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
two words...techno handjob
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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