He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
