My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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