i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Help. Why am I so naked?
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