don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
