we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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