my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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