my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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