My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
