stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
