Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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