You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
