Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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