I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
