Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
