Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
