Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
