Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
