on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
