News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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