My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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