hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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