I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
there is glitter all over my balls
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