It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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