just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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