someone get that fucking seahorse.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
