Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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