I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
