I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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