I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
