I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
