sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ttyl tear gas
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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