Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
