So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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